forever love and curses
by sonryz
Summary: One shot, Satoshi POV. Hiwatari-kun is musing over his enemy, friend, and one true treasure: Niwa Daisuke.


_"Should I smile because we're friends or should I cry because that's all we're gonna be? The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them and knowing you can't have them."_

Oh, my mouth must have twisted into something horrible when I read that. Did you see it, Niwa-kun? I hope not.

But...

_At the same time, I wish you had._

I wonder if you know just what it is you've befriended, Niwa-kun. I wonder if you know just what's lurking inside this boy sitting beside you.

I wonder if you know how hard I'm fighting to keep it from you.

_And how desperately I want you to know..._

I wish you'd seen that look on my face, Niwa-kun; then maybe you'd have asked me what's wrong, and then maybe I'd have told you.

Maybe you'd have eased all my fears.

Most likely you'd have run away.

...Or would you?

We'll never know; the moment has passed, just like so many others where it was only afterwards that I dared contemplate telling you.

Telling you _everything_...

Every horrible, twisted little thing lurking in the deepest, darkest shadows of what I call a heart, a mockery of the meaning, overshadowed by suspicion, and lies, and cold, cold calculation. My life has become a neverending monotony of odds and evens, fighting and losing.

Do you find that sad, Niwa-kun? Would you care if I told you what living was like for a Hikari?

As such, I think my life was determined from birth; since before I could cope I've had to repress everything, _everything_, for the rest of my life.

Neverending.

Nothing but the mind, and the logic, and the predetermined fight against attachment.

_Until I met you._

And you were different, Niwa-kun.

So kind.

So helpful.

So naïve.

How is it that this ditzy, oblivious boy could be the next Phantom Thief? How on earth could _this_ be the foe I had been warned of since birth, the foe I was to combat for the rest of my life?

Incomprehensible.

Ridiculous.

And oh so true.

You were so different to what you were meant to be, Niwa-kun.

Fifty years the world has been waiting for you, and what? You're a cute, clumsy, angel from the heart of God's idealism.

_And I fell in love._

I fell in love with this idiot with the kind smile, warm hands, bright eyes.

_Untainted._

Everything I'm not; everything I was never meant to be I found in you, Niwa-kun.

_And it dragged me in._

Do you see it? The desire I have for you? I've done my best, keeping it from you, but you have no idea how hard it is to keep a secret you only want to tell. Did I slip up, Niwa-kun? Have you figured it out yet?

Hardly; you're so dense, Niwa-kun. So painfully unaware of the things that matter the most.

(But I guess that's just another one of your charms.)

...Ha. 'The things that matter the most'? I never knew I had such an ego. Surely there must be other things in your life other than me...

_There isn't anything else for me except you._

Oh, Krad would beat me for that, father dearest too.

But I don't care.

Let them scowl, let them disapprove and look down from their self-conjured high chairs like the pompous asses they are; I won't let them have that power over me.

(Not without a fight to the _death.)_

Let Krad hiss threats in that dangerously hauntingly beautiful voice; let the man who calls himself my father try to reason with me using barely concealed threats. Let Krad try to tell me none of it's real, let him whisper dark nothings from the shadows of my mind; at least then he won't try to say he loves me.

_Because he doesn't._

Lies, lies, lies... What cruel irony is it that my greatest fear lies in the curved lips of an angel? I guess God has a sense of humour too...

_Twisted bastard._

What cruel irony is it that I should be so in love with the one I'm meant to destroy? Family feuds are so overrated...

_Twisted fate._

What cruel irony is it that you, Niwa-kun, should live so much better than me when _you_ are the one housing the Dark side of the coin? Maybe evil really does pay off...

_Twisted heart._

_Twisted logic._

_Twisted fairytale._

But then, I suppose I of all people should know by now that life isn't a fairytale. In the real world, the psychopath dresses in white and it's the criminal that's the heart-throb of the century. Black and white don't exist anymore, if they ever did. Just this fuzzy grayscale shrouding the world in uncertainty. There are no clear cut lines, no right and wrong.

Just happiness, and pain.

Happiness or pain.

_Misery and pain..._

Why, Niwa-kun? How do you do it? Your strength is almost as unbelievable as your weakness. _I_ lost that genuine curve to my smile years ago, and the light in my eyes died with my birth but _you_... You continue to live so _easily_.

My light is darker than the night, and my innocence was torn to shreds but _you_... How is it that you can always be so _warm?_

How do you do it, Niwa-kun?

How do you get Lady Luck to love you?

How do you find so much _light_ in the darkness...?

"Hm? Hiwatari-kun?"

And now you're looking at me, and I curse you.

"Did you say something, Hiwatari-kun?"

I curse you and your family, your bright eyes and good karma.

"Hiwatari-kun... what's wrong?"

_I curse you from the bottom of my heart..._

"...Iie. It's nothing, Niwa-kun.

_Don't worry about it."_

"H-Hai..."

-

...But it's all lies, isn't it?

_Because I'll love you until forever, Niwa Daisuke, and forever do us part._

* * *

:: sonryz ::  
Hm. Not quite sure what to think of this, quite honestly; I've been finding it weirdly hard to get stories down on paper recently, so I wrote this in an attempt to get used to writing again, but... I don't know how well it turned out. So I've posted it here, in the hopes that someone will give me some feedback. Much love to you if you do. :D


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